Well, we’ve been together for 17 years and married for 8. If I’m honest it’s not been easy, but what relationship is? In the beginning, you are so loved up that you just don’t see the annoying little habits that your partner has, it’s almost like your mind tricks you, you are totally brainwashed, Cupid’s arrow is completely embedded into your brain!
17 years later and Cupid’s arrow is long gone, love is still there but so are lots of other things that like to get in the way, like kids, washing, cleaning, work, cooking, stress, family matters, bills, money matters....... the list is endless! It’s so hard to find time to love each other when so much else is going on, it’s so hard to feel in the mood for love when life throws stressful situations your way.
I know most of you who regularly read my posts will know that as a family we have certainly had our fair share of negativity. My relationship with my hubby has definitely taken a backseat, all we have been focusing on over the last 2-years is my daughter and her Crohn’s disease and any spare time has been spent trying to make up to our son’s for having less time for them.
A couple of months ago we had the worst argument ever, and this all happened in front of our kids. Since our daughter has been well we have felt more relaxed and now Zac’s 7 he isn’t as needy. We suddenly had more free time, time to be a couple again. But for some reason this time together made us argue, we both found that we annoyed each other and had totally forgotten how to be a couple.
The argument was both of us telling each other all the things we don’t like about each other,(this was a lot!). We didn’t have anything positive to say to one another, it was so negative and so wrong to do it in front of the children. We just couldn’t help it, it came out of nowhere, we had obviously been holding all the tension inside, it was bound to come out eventually.
This argument had us both divorced, changing our careers, (we both work together), he was moving out, we were both so angry we totally meant it at the time. Such a bad thing to do in front of your kids, we both feel very ashamed. But after a night of no sleep and lots of thinking about what we had both said to each other, the anger started to calm down and the realisation of life apart started to sink in.
I felt sad, the thought of not being with him hurt bad, the thought of him leaving and not being there was painful. All that we had been through together and worked so hard to manage became clear, we couldn’t just throw it all away, surely.... so the next stage was who was going to admit that we both still really loved each other? Could we possibly take back all that we had said to each other? How could we forgive the hurtful words?
Who was going to admit the love first, we are both stubborn and someone needed to give in and apologise first. We both somehow managed to talk without arguing, we discussed our differences in a civilised manner. When we talked without arguing we understood each other’s reasons for being so separated from one other. For the first time in years, we made time for each other and found our love again.
We started with a night out, just us, no children, time to be us again. Our daughter Skye is 15 and is able to babysit her brother, this was good for her to feel mature and trusted, and exciting for her little brother to have time with her. She’s a great babysitter and although she would have done the babysitting for free we decided to pay her for her help. What teenager wouldn’t expect extra cash for work? We didn’t go far and went local, just in case something went wrong and we needed to come home. The night was successful and did us all the world of good. The kids were happy to see us making time for each other and we found that the love was still there. It was such a lovely feeling, just focusing on each other for a change, it was like a new relationship again, exciting and fun!
We’ve certainly had our moments since then, we work together so we often argue. But once a week we make time for one another and when we do it’s great, this has been enough to keep us both happy and things are definitely getting better every day. This weekend we are doing something crazy, hubby has arranged it all, he’s planned, paid and sorted babysitters so we can have a whole 24 hours of each other. I’m terrible at leaving the children and always feel so guilty or worry that something will go wrong. My hubby knows that I am like this, that’s why he made sure he’d arranged it all behind my back and paid for it so I couldn’t change my mind.
It’s probably not everyone’s idea of a romantic night out but it’s certainly ours. When I met my hubby he was a DJ, we were out every weekend raving to some of the best DJs in the country. This experience was one of the best experiences of my life, we were so loved up. I was pregnant at 20 and having my son so young I missed out on the party scene until I meet him when I was 25. My son went to his dads all weekend so we had time to party without it affecting my son.
My hubby became my best friend and lover at the same time, the nights out we had together were absolutely amazing, I’d never had this much fun with my friends. Once we had our daughter we had to become parents, time together was shared, we loved every minute of being parents together, we just excepted it and didn’t moan. Obviously, our party days were over then, we didn’t mind, we couldn’t party like that forever.
As most of you probably know being a parent completely takes over your love life, we didn’t mind though because we were happy. Over time we continued to be good parents, working hard to bring in the cash and keep a roof over our heads. Time has flown, as it does and we even had another child, although we still argue over how he came along and who’s fault it was.....But we have the most amazing kids and wouldn’t change it for the world, my hubby is also the best stepdad to my son and they have always been so close.
So this weekend we are going to be us again, just like we were before we had our children. We are going to rave away at the Ministry Of Sound in London. The line up for the DJs sound amazing and we cannot wait. We have got to stay up all night as we have no hotel room, it’s open until 6 am and our train ride back home is at 7:45 am on Sunday morning. There was no point getting a room as we would have to vacate the rooms by 10 am. We haven’t got to pick the kids up from my parents till Sunday evening so we can go back to bed at home. I hope we can last like we used too, I hope we don’t fall asleep on the train and end up in Manchester.
I’ve brought my raving outfit, which my daughter picked out for me. I’m definitely too old to be wearing it but life is certainly too short to be worrying about things like that. Hubby loves my outfit and that’s all that matters and hopefully, if I look young I might feel young and dance the night away like I used to. I picked my top, it stood out whilst shopping in Primark. It’s one of my favourite songs ever and I had to get it. The rest of the outfit my daughter picked. I’m definitely going to be trying my hardest to get one of the DJs to play my tune, I know you can’t ask nowadays.... showing my age now!... but if I keep pointing to my top you just never know!
Hoping that this weekend is awesome!
Bag cost £10 from Primark.
White Nike air force trainers £75 Schuh
DJ T-Shirt £7 Ripped skinny jeans £12 & hoop earings £1 Primark
I will keep you posted and let you know about our crazy night out! If you are not already following me on Instagram go and follow Here. I will be posting live so you can watch us crazy pair on our night out!
Enjoy your weekend, thanks for reading.